I could have also titled this post something like, “Becoming a mom made me realize I have SO MUCH I need to work on”. Or, “Becoming a mom made me realize how terrible I am.” But that’s boring. And honest.
First off, let me clarify. I’m not super-mom…nor do I see myself as a lazy mom. I honestly can’t believe how having a child has changed me in so many ways. For the BETTER!
So, all those first time pregger’s out there- I think this one’s for you!
I need a schedule. I’ve always, desperately needed a schedule. Having a baby demanded I get situated with a schedule. Not only because of feeding times and napping times, but because on top of taking care of baby, I’m still running our home. You know, laundry, dishes, emails, groceries…SHOWERING! Getting a shower is like HEAVEN. No, it’s like deep fried Oreos. So, because of my right brained, left handed abilities (yeah, we’ll say that) I couldn’t seem to stay organized in day-to-day tasks. Things such as getting to meeting on time, seriously stressed me out. (Wait, they still do.) But getting to a meeting on time, with a 5 week old? I was like…”You’re high if you think I’m going to be on time”. Thank you Lord for babies, because they help you get your day planned without you even realizing you needed a plan. I should also add, I am definitely still working on this one. Like. A lot.
I am now able to feel my emotions. Let me tell you what I mean by that. When your baby wakes you up for the 15th time, and it’s only midnight…you bettcha I’m on edge. Chances are I cry, I let loose my feelings. I swear. I bite my lower lip. I melt. I hold him and I stop thinking about myself. I stop thinking about the lack of hours of sleep that are adding up. Because I can feel myself going through these emotions, I immediately see how I’m reacting when I hold him. Right now, his needs are bigger than my emotions. Yes, I can cry. And sometimes it feels great. Yes, I can bite my lip with frustration. And what does all this do? Helps me start the process in my head : “Ok. Breathe. Why are you upset? Is this really a big deal? What will happen if you just…” And the reason this makes me a better person? Because I’m no longer able to keep my emotions inside. I have to deal with them, quickly, like a big girl…or just eat a pack of Oreos at 4:00 am… like a big girl.
Half way through this post, I’m even starting to wonder if this is making any sense. Dude, please comment if it is! I need to hear I’m not the only momma who gets like this!
Ok, moving on.
I judge people less. Ouch. Boom. It’s out there. And that’s totally humiliating. Before having Caleb, Mr. Boy, I judged others without even realizing I was doing it! I can’t even remember what I thought…or put into words what I felt, BUT looking back now, It was judgment. I can’t recall specific person, place or thing… but I know I had a habit of doing this because of how I DON’T do it today. When I see a situation…let’s say, typical mom in the grocery store. The first thing I do when I see her little one crying…is try to make eye contact with her. How is she doing? Is she holding it together? Does she need a hug? (Buddy the Elf style) You’re laughing at me right now and that’s ok. But I know I’m judging people just a little less, because I hope that people might not be judging me. I guess this is where I realize what “mom-shaming” is. What if we all just gave each other a little more grace? I know I could use it.
How else has having Mr. changed me?
This might be an obvious one, but nutrition. I’m usually a very lazy eater. (Hello, all that Oreo talk. I wasn’t joking, btw) By that I mean, I put whatever I’m craving, or whatever is closest to me in my mouth. Chips, cookies, pop-tarts, candy. Sometimes by the end of the day, I would realize that I never ate lunch…just random snacks. That is awful. (I’ve humiliated myself twice now.) I’ve always been able to do this because the affects of eating junk food don’t exactly “show” on me. (My metabolism. Don’t hate!) Although it definitely shows in other ways if I’m lazy and don’t work out. Because of breastfeeding, I realize that everything I put in my mouth, my body turns into milk, which becomes my child’s lifeline. Even what I eat effects my milk supply. I’m still working on this one. Bad eating habits are hard to break, right?
Those are the 4 ways I can directly see how having Caleb has changed me, but I know in a few more months they’ll change and …keep changing. He’ll keep making me choose to be a better person if I continue to let myself.
Can anyone else relate?
(Want to understand me a bit more? Read here!)